SwankxTAR

This time last year I made my second trip to Asia to visit one of my closest friends, Chiu, in her home country, Malaysia. Apart from the thrill of finally being able to physically reconnect with her after 2 years, I was so excited to explore a new country, in what made out be the shortest 2 weeks of my life! As I won't be able to travel this summer as originally planned, I wanted to share some moments from my last summer vacation and reminisce on my time wandering around Kuala Lumpur (KL), Malacca and Sabah.

Since I jammed A LOT into my trip, I will spare you the minutiae of every single day and instead highlight the things that were incredibly impressive, fun, unexpected and even a little weird. I was spoiled by having local as a guide and so it was probably my most stress-free trip to date. Chiu was able to perfectly balance adventure with laidback and my only complaint is that I wish I had more time there...

Where To Stay

Kuala Lumpur

I was lucky. I really didn't have to plan much for this trip since Chiu took care of almost EVERYTHING. We moved around quite a bit and when we weren't in her home town (KL), we were lodging at an Airbnb or a Bookings.com accommodation. In KL we stayed in a loft in a gentrified building (Alia) which afforded us an incredible view of the city. It was a few minutes away from the hip shopping district, Bangsar, also home of the bomb brunch spot VCR and arguably the best croissants in the capital courtesy of Dew Patisserie as mentioned in my Malaysian Food Diary post. This location also gave us easy access to Bukit Bingtang, the epicentre of all things trendy in Kuala Lumpur, so overall we were well situated at best. The Alia building is pretty secured, though the area itself is a little sketchy. You're safe but I still wouldn't recommend walking around the area at night.

Kudat

When we left KL we took two day trips in Sabah, first to Kudat, a beach town at the tip of Borneo and later to a getaway in the mountains of Kundasang. Our Kudat lodgement was intriguing. The one-bedroom container with an ensuite bathroom gave us easy access to the beach which was right across the road. The only challenge though was that the town was rather sleepy when we went, with only one restaurant option, Tip Top (limited menu), which means taking your own food would be the best option. One of the coolest things about staying here is that you can literally venture out to the tip of Borneo and watch the sunrise. Unfortunately for us it was a rainy morning when we attempted to do this but it was still an awesome experience to be there.

Kundasang
Kundasang was, without doubt, one of my absolute favourite part of the trip. We stayed at an Airbnb called “Spring Garden” in a cabin style one bedroom that gave a stunning view of their famous garden. This accommodation redefines relaxation. Beyond the garden, a short hike will unveil their backyard river where you can go to get your feet wet and connect with nature. Everything about the property is enchanting, from the impressive variety of flowers, plants, birds and bugs to the breathtaking sunsets rivalled only by the expansive view of Mount Kinabalu. It was hard to leave. Like the accommodation in Kudat you’ll have to secure your own dinner though breakfast is included off property at a close-by inn (HB Hotel). There are lots to do in the area and I suggest visiting the National Park if nothing else. Otherwise, if you just need some time away from everything to decompress, I highly recommend this place!

Mini Adventures

Malacca (Melaka)

In addition to the aforementioned, I did a few other activities and excursions worth mentioning. I think my day trip to the old city Malacca, a UNESCO World Heritage site was interesting, to say the least. The two hour bus ride from KL was pleasant for the most part and since we got there super early we had a full day before us. We started with brunch at Locahouz and then decided to walk our way around the city. Let me tell you if quaint were ever a place, it’s Melaka. An immense contrast from KL’s high rise and modern buildings, it offered ingress to antiquity. In spite of the unexpected downpour we still managed to see a bunch of historic sites including the famed Christ Church of Melaka (Dutch Square), St. Paul’s Church of Malacca and the Sungai Riverside. Of course, no trip to Malacca is complete without visiting the Jonkers Street Market which for any Westerner is the kind of fascinating and foreign that requires an open mind. Prepare yourself for food, culture and lots of treasures to take back home with you. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the awesome souvenir shop Hueman Studio where the owner has some of the city’s most impressive craft and prints that he makes himself! I had quite the time in Malacca, never mind having to stoop to use their "ground" toilet, it is the old city after all, which I think was possibly the biggest culture shock moment of the trip.

Batu Caves

Now, if you’re in Kuala Lumpur you absolutely have to check out this place! It’s so beautiful. Between the temples, the steps and the caves you’ll be surrounded by a kaleidoscope of brilliant colours and sacred monuments. To view inside of the temple you will be required to take your shoes off, so I suggest having a bag and taking black socks so you don’t have to go barefooted unless you’re into that (: Also, take water if you plan on climbing to the top of the steps to get to the caves. You're very likely to break a sweat. Nevertheless, Batu Caves is one of those places you'll never grow weary of, there's something to intrigue you at every corner. Be warned that there are lots of monkeys who are both friendly and aggressive so avoid any snacks that will make noises in your bag like chips as they will try to take your bag away, speaking from experience 🙃.

Kota Kinabalu

Apart from in the mountains of Kundasang, I felt most at home in KK, the capital city of Sabah. I loved how laidback everything was and as a city girl, I did also love the easy access to the malls and inspired cafes. There is quite a bit to see here too including the Pillars of Sabah where street art and activism meet, the historic Atkinson Clock, the market place and the City Mosque (that looks like it’s floating on water). Like a true romantic, I watched a lot of sunsets and KK could rival any of the finest in the world. We watched from the bar at The Marriott Hotel which provided a stunning view and also another time from the Italian restaurant Grazie at Suriah Mall. Truly, you would be impressed watching the sun descend from anywhere in KK as the scene of distant islands and mountains everywhere make it difficult for the wide eyed visitor to not be mesmerised. Although time didn’t permit for me, I heard island hopping is also must-do adventure in KK too so you can add that to your list!

View from The Marriott in Kota Kinabalu

There was a lot of adventure but even more so there was a lot of food. As stated in my other blog post on Malaysia, I ate my way through my trip trying things like Indian Banana Leaf dining and Tissue Roti Dessert. I had Chayote vines (dragon whiskers) stir fry, pumpkin shoot and sweet potato leaves for the first time. There was also fresh Calamansi juice, Chrysanthemum iced tea, bubble tea and the list goes on! I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that much, ever. Overall, it’s fair to say Malaysia became a home away from home. Even though people stared at me a lot with quite à few people even compelled to take photos and videos of me (assuming they weren’t used to seeing black people), it was one of the best 2019 experiences. If you're thinking of making a trip to Asia, you definitely do not want to count Malaysia out. I can't wait to go back. Thank you, Chiu (et Mama!).

until next time......

Do Good, Dress Well

xTAR

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When I started learning French my friend Florian pointed me to what he referred to as two of the most important verbs for my vocabulary; Etre (to be) and Avoir (to have). “This is fundamental to know,” he tutored. As I reflect on that moment, I realised that his language lesson unwittingly served also as a life lesson, specifically as it relates to setting goals.

I’m not ashamed to say that the idea of goal setting and intentionally working towards something is a relatively new concept for me, yes, at the big age of 29 years old. I’ve been a free spirit and have spent most of my life simply going with the flow of things. To no surprise then, three years ago when my boss asked me to write a story about my life in 5 years and then break it out into goals, I tiptoed around the assignment for as long as I could because I genuinely didn’t know where to start. Like most people, I simply went straight for typical symbols of success and all the nice-to-haves. As I sat in that naivety the years started trickling by, and along for the ride came anxiety, self-judgement, impatience and then disappointment. Why? Little to nothing was happening, and though I was hitting milestones elsewhere, THOSE goals did not budge.

Why did I suck at making my own goals?

Of course, I started questioning why things weren’t changing for me. Why did I suck at making my own goals? Where did I go wrong? And, can I unsuck at this?

The answer took me right back to that French lesson and the verbs, ‘To Be’ or ‘To Have.’ In the first iteration of my life’s vision in 2022, I was fixated on all the “stuff” I would achieve. I could easily relay where I wanted to live, the dog I wanted to get, my wardrobe, the degree and certifications, my successful book and other publications and the list goes on. My dreams were big and amazing and lacking.

I made the ultimate goal-setting rookie mistake..

I made the ultimate goal-setting rookie mistake by focusing on what I wanted to have in my life instead of who I wanted to be in this life. Of course, there is value in being able to physically envision a vivid picture of your ideal world but that is only 20% of the work. The giant feat instead requires recognising the version of yourself that will create this world for you.

One way of doing this is by identifying your values. It’s often said that your values are the qualities of the person you want to become. They act as your life’s compass and will ensure that whatever you are choosing is in alignment with your ideal self. On a daily basis your values inform your action which is why knowing them is so intrinsic to setting and achieving your goals. Since they direct us to our purpose, it means therefore that if your values aren’t conducive to your goals, you need to reevaluate what it is you REALLY want.

Truth be told, goal setting doesn’t come as naturally to some of us and as a result, we tend to borrow ideas from others. The challenge here is that even if we desire similar things, our why’s are often different. You have to be clear on YOUR WHY otherwise you won’t be as energised, feel motivated or even recognise when you aren’t in alignment with your targets. Remember, goals are intentions. Intentions are our prompts to action, our “raison d’être.” We must decide on our own values so that we aren’t just accumulating possessions but instead are ensuring our goals are assets for a meaningful life.

On the note of possession, understand that when you make a goal with your main focus being “to have”, you’re doing so with a scarcity mindset. On that premise alone you’ve immediately blocked your ability to create the conditions for success. It is almost impossible to thrive in a place of lack and so you’ll need to refocus on being an attractor of abundance and blessing.

I remember once hearing Kanye West say that “This generation is focused on looking successful rather than actually being successful.” Being able to make this distinction is paramount in goal-setting. “To have” is superficial. It is temporary and insatiable and therefore you will never have fulfilment in a meaningful way. We can collect all the stuff in the world and still feel empty. We’ve all heard stories of celebrities who are by every definition, financial successes but are miserable and in some cases even destructive. If you take a deeper look, you’ll find these individuals have lost themselves (and their values by extension). They crave a sense of immaterial wealth, for some this look like genuine connections, peace of mind and the like. It’s not a stretch to state then that when our self worth is defined by what we have instead of who we are, we’re in trouble.

You can achieve a goal and still not feel the success you thought you would. You can also achieve a goal and undo everything you did to get there. For example, you can set a target to save $50,000, a colossal goal from some of us, especially when you’re a spendthrift but it’s not impossible and you can get there. However saving that $50,000 doesn’t equate to being financially responsible, it just means you have the ability to save. It only takes one of those spendthrift impulses to blow 10k and then another and before you know it, you’re back to nought.

Accomplishing your goal is a process and is therefore meant to be a transformational experience. You can have and not be as to have is usually linked to an outcome. To be is a continuous pursuit of improvement and development. I’ve never heard someone say I’ve capped my potential. That’s why in her 50s Michelle Obama, a distinguished woman, can write a book called Becoming because we are always growing into our better self.

So as you sit down and recalibrate your life’s plans, remember that to move the needle toward acquiring those goals, its imperative to make who you want to be your North Star. Use your values to direct your path towards substantial shifts in your world, ones that are lasting and stable. Do you want to just have a partner or be loved? Do you want to have a job or be a (insert dream profession here)? These are not the same thing. This is fundamental to know.

until next time......

Do Good, Dress Well

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The world has somewhat come to a standstill as we grapple with the effects of the novel coronavirus. Many of us are on lockdown or have (in)voluntarily gone into self isolation in order to protect ourselves or loved ones. With the exception of our work-from-home virtual meetings and related responsibilities, our calendars are, for the first in a long time, empty. Pre 2020 our lives were consumed with being busy; always something to do, people to meet or somewhere to go. Now, we’re stuck inside and based on social media sentiments, it can be inferred that a lot of us might slowly go mad but for a lucky few, we might find our genius.

In between tweets of torment and the indignation on Instagram for life disrupted, a very interesting thing is transpiring for some; a bolt of creativity that has become a source of light, entertainment and so much more during this crisis. Content is being rapidly shared by the second and though it often appears in the form of mindless regurgitated “challenges”, in the midst of that we’re seeing the brilliance of creativity at work.

Finally, the “time” has come. People are experimenting, going through their archives and mining diamonds in the rough, picking up old hobbies and reconnecting with their passion. Some are even discovering new ones. As the renowned spiritual leader Wayne Dyer wisely noted in his book The Power of Intention, “genius thrives in a contemplative environment.” Much like Mother Nature is at this time, reclaiming her space and thriving in fresh air, our minds are being gifted respite to flourish.

The mind is a powerful tool and when inundated with all the to-dos we rarely find time to create. Since ideas can only come from a place of quiet, we ought to embrace this moment to connect with our inner calling and listen intently for how it desires to be expressed. Many of us experience a glimmer of this through “shower thoughts”, solo commutes or walks when we steal away from the world and have a few minutes with ourself. Those precious seconds of stillness has helped us to solve problems, unearth new ideas and innovate. And now, in spite of being daunted by this pandemic, we have a little more than a few moments or minutes at hand.

This is an opportunity to step back from the noise that we’ve grown accustomed to, from the musts and shoulds that are proving to matter a lot less now. Those events, lunch dates and activities will all still be there when things settle. What we won’t get back is this down time to revisit those places in ourselves that have longed to be explored and expressed. It’s time to get back to ourselves.

I’m aware that sitting with ourself doesn’t come naturally for most of us. In fact it can be difficult at times especially when you’ve long used your calendar to distract yourself from your suffering. You’re also probably way too tired to think straight or even welcome quiet since you’ve never known your mind beyond the constant chatter that lives there. But, hear me out; suffering usually comes from feeling disconnected with your source. So, be still. With a little rest, optimism, and courage, on the other side of this distress and anxiety, lives your creative genius waiting to tell you clearly how to solve your life mysteries (issues/turmoil/struggles) and connect with your purpose. With calm comes clarity and individually we already have proof of this adage in our lives.

Let’s allow ourselves some 20 minutes or so of silence each day to recharge our creative engines and listen for inspiration. A lot of us are already doing good work but we have room for greatness. What is the vision you have for your ideal self? How can you share you limitless talents with the world? In what ways can you live a more purposeful life? Where can you make an impact and positively change the lives around you? Ask yourself these questions, sit alone in silence and listen intently for your creative genius to guide you.

until next time......

Do Good, Dress Well

xTAR

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When you hear about Jamaica, more often times than not, it's in reference to our music, food, culture or our incredible people who have made some sort of global impact. What we don't talk about enough, in my humblest opinion, is our RUM! Recently, after visiting Appleton Estate's Rum Tour, newly rebranded as the Joy Spence Appleton Estate Rum Experience, I say this with even more conviction.

Even though I've already done this tour 3 times in the past, once last year and twice before it got a facelift in 2017, I couldn't resist going another time. My friend and fellow blogger Racquida (from www.theislanderspassport.com) made the suggestion to go since she had never been before, so we made a trip out of it and invited three other friends Yanique, Steven and Gabby.

Let me just get straight to the point: If you're in Jamaica, the Appleton Rum Tour is a MUST! We drove a little over 2 hours from Kingston to St. Elizabeth and it was definitely worth it. Even before you arrive on the property the experience begins with the vast fields of sugarcane crops that act almost like a fortress as you approach the estate. It was so stunningly scenic, and maybe this is because I was a history student but, I felt a sense of reverence as we drove by, with all things considered about the days of yore.

We arrived at around midday to a well needed welcome drink by the bar (rum included, of course). As we waited on our tour guide we could see the famous peacocks floating around the property through the glass window of the lounge. While this was my fourth time, the cool welcome and inviting atmosphere were as exciting as the very first time and I couldn't wait to get started.

I won't give you much details about the tour itself since I don't want to spoil it for you but you can expect to learn a lot about the history of rum-making, the process of making it today and how to appreciate it. The tour ends with a tasting (*wink wink*) of three of their rum blends; Signature, Reserve and Rare Blend. I would be remiss if I didn't mention how friendly and exceptionally knowledgeable the tour guides were. They made every part of the tour interactive and fun, all the while never missing a beat to provide more information where there were questions.

After the tour, you have the option to check out their gift shop where all their branded souvenirs and trinkets live. I loved how premium and authentically Jamaican the items were and I couldn't resist buying myself an Appleton branded Copper Mule mug for future rum-tivities (*grins*).

Apart from the gift shop, there is also a dining area where you can have lunch for only $1000 JM which also includes a (non-alcoholic) drink. You can choose between Jerk Chicken, Jerk Pork, Escoveitch Fish and for vegans, the chef would be happy to whip you up some curried chickpeas. For side dishes, there is (my fave) Rice and Peas as well as veggie salad and a yam salad. I assume you get a variation of this depending on when you go.

All in all, it was truly a day well spent. Rum is a part of our Jamaican experience as much as our music and food and I think Appleton does a phenomenal job at showcasing this. If you have never been before, I highly recommend making the trip to St. Elizabeth (and if you can stay a whole weekend I also suggest checking out Pelican Bar too.) I think I can speak for my friends when I say we all left in high spirits and wouldn't hesitate to partake in another round of the tour.

until next time......
Do Good, Dress Well

xTAR

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I don't always choose what I write, sometimes the ideas come to me and haunt me until I cave. This is one of those. I've never actually delve into relationship stuff and so I’ll preface this by saying I have no authority on this topic but for whatever reason the writers’ faeries have granted me permission to speak on the topic so here goes:

I've had 2 or 3 real breakups and this might be a biased observation but I generally handle this stuff well (enough -ish). When a relationship runs its course, I accept it and (make all efforts to) move on with my life as best as I can. Maybe it's pride, wanting to pacify the feeling of unwantedness by turning the page or my intuition that prepared me weeks or even months in advance with the knowing that it was only a matter of time before the chapter would close out. Either way, like anyone else I do feel sadness, sometimes loads but I try not to feed it too much. Admittedly this isn't always easy when suppressed feelings in my waking hours are replaced with annoyingly realistic dreams at nights about my ex (which happens a lot more frequently than I’d like to admit.) Beyond this, I choose to channel most of my energy into adapting to my new normal, which is likely credited to my optimism that something or someone better is ”out there” waiting for me. I know wishful thinking alone isnt enough for some and that optimism on its own won't get you through this rough patch so here are a few things that I believe will help you move on after a breakup:

Ex-Communicate

Many break-ups become a lot more tumultous than they need to be because there are no established boundaries. You have the uncomfortable talk and you say you're done but your actions are saying otherwise. The messages continues and so do the calls, prolonging stress and toxicity. Listen, your Cinderealla story didn't quite pan out as you imagined so it's time to channel a new Disney princess and ”Let it go.” Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should become an ice princess and retreat to the mountains (though this isn't a bad idea) nor should you be bitter and completely cut the person out of your life however you have to create some breathing space to assess your mess. Some people are worth fighting for and others just aren't but you’ll never gain true clarity about this until the smoke clears. Grant yourself some headspace.

People are like cities
You live in them so long
You begin to get comfortable
And forget
How beautiful they are
Sometimes you have to leave
In order to learn
How much you'll miss them
And to understand
How they live in you.
- Unknown

You know the old adage, if that person is the one for you, they’ll find their way back. If they aren't then happy riddance. Things always work themselves out so don't waste your time trying to resuscitate a dead situation. Move towards the tides of your new blessings.

Make a "Dream" list.

Now that you’ve stopped talking to him and you have a little time to think, make yourself a cocktail and then a list of all the things you want in your dream partner. It's therapy, I promise. This will put a lot into perspective for you. Either you will realize your ex was tailor-made by the soulmate gods just for you or that he is probably not the person you thought you wanted or deserve (very likely the case). People love to get in their knickers about this kind of list but I strongly believe there is value in it. You will never find the perfect man but it's nice to have a reference of those non-negotiable qualities you want in a partner based on what you value. It's okay to set a standard for yourself.
N.B: do not become attached to the specifics but rather use it as a guide.

Work on Yourself (Character Check)

When our heart is lost we look for happiness in all sorts of places. Understand this: nothing outside of you will help in any lasting way. Joy is an inside job. No matter how much booze you buy, how many people you get under to get over your situation or how much therapy sessions you attend, you are the only one who can heal you. Get to the root of your grievance by doing a little introspection. There might be things about you that contributed to the demise of your relationship and since we learn the most about ourselves and others when we are uncomfortable, what are some things that keep showing up for you? Please, do not make this into a self loathing session. Instead, be really honest with yourself and make small gestures towards self-improvement. My cousin shared a quote with me that perfectly sums this up: Dont focus on who you are today but have hope in who you will become tomorrow.

If you are being honest with yourself, the person you want to be isn't compatible with the person you were dating anyway. Sometimes break-ups are a blessing in disguise since, whether unintentionally or otherwise, your ex was holding you back from seeing your greatness. Think about things in your life today that happened because of a major shift that you once thought of as negative but actually guided you to a better version of your life. Personally if my ex boyfriend didn't break up with me I wouldn't have taken a risk and move to another country after quiting a job that was slowly killing me. I didn't realise how comfortable I was with mediocrity and it really took that low point for me to see how high up I could be climbing. I know you want more for yourself so don't block your blessing baby girl, bless and release.

Listen: Thank You Next - Arianna
(you know I had to)

Make Your Life Your Focus (Visioning)

"There is a crack, a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen.

Have you ever heard of Kintsugi? It's the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with lacquer that is mixed with gold powder. Centuries ago craftsmen came up with this concept of the ”golden repair” to give new life to what many would consider worthless. Right now you may feel like what Jamaicans describe as ”mash-up” but you owe it to yourself to piece yourself back together. Things might not be perfect but that doesn't stop it from becoming beautiful again. Start filling the gaps in your life with golden action plans.

The doom and gloom is waiting to set in so you have to act quickly. Break-ups are great at robbing you of your sense of control so here's what you have to do. Get a notebook and write down all the things you don't love about your life then make a column beside that with the ideal situation (the contrast). From there create goals connected to these and draft an action plan/ road map. Treat your life like a project, identifying what needs to get done and by when then go for it! It's easy to get into pity party mode and dwell on how much your life sucks but that won't change a thing.

Fall in love with yourself

Radical self care is quantum - Anne Lamott

Usually break ups are also the ultimate self-esteem crushers and you have to be proactive about shaking this. Some women change their hair, some enrol in pole dancing and others do a wardrobe overhaul to boost their confidence. What are the things you can do to tap into your sexy? Your bounce back game is only as good as how you feel about yourself. Take the time to celebrate the queen you are and centre your crown. Since we teach people how to love us it means we have to take care of ourselves mentally and physically so feed yourself positivity, love and compassion. It sets the tone for whoever you’ll date next.

Read/ Listen:

What A Time To Be Alone - Chidera Eggerue

Create Your Own Happiness

The first step to creating happiness in your life is forgiving yourself and also your ex. Holding on the grudge that comes with a breakup usually keeps you sad for a really long time. We don't own people, we can only experience them and so if they choose to go we have to separate from our selfish desires to keep them around and be grateful for the time you had together. Still, no matter who comes and goes, you will always have yourself. As I said earlier, if your happiness is derived from an outside source, you're going to be in trouble so look within.

When was the last time you felt genuinely happy? I mean the kind of joy that really made your heart smile. This was a bit of a challenge for me. In my blog post about Self Awareness I shared that I now keep a list of things that make me happy but what I didnt say is that this came about because after my last break up I genuinely didn't remember. I spent most of my time in couple mode and lost connection with myself. I literally had to start paying attention to the little things again so every time I did, watched or ate something or went somewhere that I enjoyed I would make notes so I could invite more of those experiences in my life.

If you're struggling with this too, you might want to start taking some notes friend.

Watch: Eat Pray Love

Read: The Happiness Project - Gretchen Rubin

Go out

I work in marketing and kind of went overboard with this. At the time of my last breakup one of my main clients was an alcohol company and I made it my duty to go to every single one of their events. This was a horrible idea since it only distracted me for a few months. I don't recommend running from your emotions and partying every night. But, while post break up is a great time for reflection and introspection, you absolutely have to leave your house to get out of your head a little. Over analysing and reliving the hurt is traumatizing so venture out, link your friends, go eat at your favourite restaurant or whatever it is that will get you back into the real world and pass the drama that you're creating in your head.

FYI this doesn't mean you should go cozying up with the first person who gives you attention but you should be open to the possibility of dating again (eventually). If you stay cooped up at home you’ll never find new prospects when you're in the state of mind to accept potential suitors.

Be vulnerable

(I'm not very good at this but I'm working on it.)

Cry, get therapy and ask your friend permission to vent. Let it all out. Built up sadness/ grief is dangerous because when that pipe cracks it might never stop leaking. If you're not ready to share your pain with someone else, keep a journal, write all the things that are clouding your mind. Whatever you do, just do not keep that pain festering inside you with no medium for release. You're human, with feelings and you do not have to be okay all the time. Take your time and allow yourself to go through the motions. Everything takes time, including healing so give yourself permission to sit in that discomfort a bit. You’ll discover things about yourself that will help you the next time you decide to open your heart to someone else. Just please don't make suffering your permanent state of existence.

Decide to move on (when you're ready)

I had so many whys and felt stuck because I realized I was actually sitting waiting and hoping my old love would bring me closure. It doesn't work like that. We have to gift it to ourselves, with or without explanation of where things went wrong. You don't have control over making the person stay but you do have control over whether or not you stay in grief. Be like a Phoenix and rise again. It will be difficult at first but life goes on. You gave as much as you could but it didn't work out. Remember that you can never be too much for someone who can't get enough of you or too little for someone who sees your worth.

Listen: Khalid - Coaster

The main reason a breakup is so hard is that it disrupts life as we know it. We usually plan life around our partner and so its hard to readjust. Those first few weeks or month (even years for some of us) will suck because we can't go back to what we know. But look at it as an opportunity. Life happens for us and even though we might not understand it in the moment, we have to believe that this setback is a set up for something major.

I think I'll close with this video about the Relationship with the Unknown on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu: https://youtu.be/La9oLLoI5Rc (I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS.)

until next time......

Do Good, Dress Well

xTAR

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